Emotions are useful, but not always truthful

July 15, 2024

Here I am again, feeling some of the same intense sensations that I was experiencing 6 months ago, when this began. And there I go, down the same well-worn path of fear and worry, which just loops around again and again. What occurs to me lately is that I may not even have the fears that are causing me so much worry. I may be letting thoughts and/or memories of past fears have control of my emotions.

My therapist tells me that it stems from a past trauma, probably when I was very young and was overwhelmed so I just tucked it away inside. My immaturity is probably the reason that I can’t remember what it was. And it could have been something very innocent and harmless but at such a young age, I was unable to cope with it.

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed. Psalm 34:18

But it can’t stay hidden forever. It needs to be worked through so that it can be released and healed. However, the parts of me that took on the job of protecting me at that time aren’t easily convinced to take down the armor (anxiety).  This is a long, slow journey because the anxious parts of me have been doing this job for most of my life, and they’re uncertain that letting go of these worries would help in their quest to keep me safe.

My comfort in my suffering is this; your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:50

So what do I do now? As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I am a believer in God and His power to heal, so I will always go to Him for help, lifting up prayers and yes, sometimes demanding His attention. I also believe that he works through people so I will continue to utilize the wisdom of doctors, therapists and other health professionals in my quest for wholeness and healing.

It seems like it’s been a very long time to feel the way I do, and it has, but when I come out the other side of this storm, it will be much shorter than I imagined. I tend to focus more on the hard times when I’m in them and that makes them seem longer, when in reality, most of my almost 60 years of life have been lived in a place of joy and peace.

God is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to acceptance.

I’m not trying to say that this is easy to walk through or that I always make the best choice but I keep trying and succeeding at times. And we need to trust our own judgement more often when choosing what avenues to follow in our quest for health. It’s always a good idea to talk with our care team when considering new treatments but don’t just disregard your own thoughts. They are much more valuable than most of us realize. Sometimes we do get in our own way, but not always.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,nor the plague that destroys at midday. Psalm 91: 4-6