Healing often takes time

May 24,

I’ve felt off all day, going back and forth from anxiety to depression. I’m struggling with the same worry I’ve dealt with for the last 5 months. I feel like I’m never going to recover enough to be happy again, like I was before this began. But what might be affecting me today is the fact that I had to have my 13-year-old cat put down a few days ago. He was my baby. I tamed him when he was a 6-month-old stray. It took months and he went from a wild, terrified stray to a cuddly, loving boy. I will miss him terribly. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34: 18

I hope every day to feel better, to feel like myself again, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I pray often, spend time reading scripture, and try to be patient with God’s timing but it’s really hard sometimes. I see some of my symptoms improving but it doesn’t seem to out-weigh my negative thoughts. I keep trying new things, desperate for a breakthrough, but it isn’t coming.  The Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, indeed only one, and it will not be taken away from her. Luke 10: 42 A woman was sitting at Jesus feet, focusing on what he was saying.

I’m having some trouble with shakiness and weakness in my body. We’re not sure what it is but it could be caused simply by anxiety. It’s difficult for me to accept what I’ve been going through which is exactly what I have to do to get to the other side. Many people, including health professionals have told me that I’m trying to push down my issues instead of dealing with them. In the words of my therapist, ‘what we resist persists.’ And no, I haven’t achieved this yet but I know that it’s an important part of healing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that we all just wallow in anxiety and/or depression. We do need to, with the help of a doctor or therapist, examine our issues and realize that anxiety and sadness are emotions that we all need. We just need them in the proper amounts, and acceptance of our struggles will help to reduce the baggage that comes from elevated emotions. For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

This has been a very slow process and, at times, seems almost impossible to endure but I still keep going every day. I know this is a season and it will eventually end, or the intensity will be reduced, and that I can learn a great deal about myself if I walk with it. As a believer I sense that God is preparing me for something or possibly teaching me how to welcome the anxious part of me.

Just remember that there is always someone who understands what you’re going through, no matter how tough. You don’t need to be alone in your suffering. Yes you’ll have to reach out or accept help that’s being offered but trusting someone with your pain can lighten the burden.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30