The fight of my life

February 27,  2025

It’s been a while since I’ve written about how I’m doing. I’ve been very busy lately with appointments and various treatments. There are so many things that can be tried, and more available all the time. Sometimes I have a very hard time feeling good and can’t imagine how I’ll ever feel good again, But then I have a better day, one that ends with me laying on the couch with my husband, watching a movie. At times like that I feel so close to normal, I forget the struggle of this illness. And I need to experience that, even if only for a few hours.

Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O Lord; Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me. (Psalms 40:11)

Although sometimes that’s when I become one of my worst enemies. I want so much to feel well again that, even though I try not to, I end up expecting the good mood from the previous night to carry on into the next day. And when it doesn’t, I feel like the wind gets knocked out of me again. However, don’t forget who’s on our side and always with us.

Where can I go from your spirit? If I go up to heaven, You are there. If I make my bed in the place of the dead, You are there! If I take the wings of the morning or live in the farthest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me and Your right hand will hold me. (Psalms 139: 7-10)    

I receive treatments and my walking improves for a short time, but the stiffness always returns. It seems to be directly affected by my level of anxiety, which is still quite high at times, especially in the mornings. One of my biggest issues is the need to exercise and strengthen the muscles again. They are quite weak so that makes physical activity more challenging. My motivation is also very low, as is my energy level. But God will never give up on me and neither will my family.

If you obey my teaching, you will live in my love. In this way, I have obeyed my Father’s teaching and live in His love. I have told you these things so My joy may be in you and your joy may be full. (John 15: 10-11)

I have realized that no matter what struggles I’m dealing with, I need to get much better at noticing and holding on to positive nuggets that come to me. I have a tendency to always focus on the negative before giving the positive any weight. I am better than I was a year ago in some ways, possibly worse in others but I still try to focus on the most important things for healing, even though they’re sometimes very difficult.

If you like music here’s a song that really spoke to me last week; It’s called ‘The Fight of my Life’ by REND COLLECTIVE