When I feel incapable.

January 11, 2025

I’m very tired today – didn’t sleep well last night and I feel quite exhausted. I want to be as active as possible but I’m so weary and my legs are very weak. That makes it very hard to exercise or just even be active in any way. It’s very difficult to feel like this and still keep up with all the things I’m supposed to be doing. BUT, I believe in the power of God and so it doesn’t matter how incapable I feel. I believe that it’s part of God’s plan to heal me, but even if it isn’t, I can still give Him praise and honor. God gave me life and never promised it would be easy. In fact he said that in this world we will have trouble, but take heart, God has overcome the world.

For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

It’s been such a long process, with many different strategies. Some have been helpful while others haven’t been much of a success. I’m on several different supplements and I believe that many have done their job. Although, no matter what therapy or drug/supplement I take, the key, I believe, is inside of me. My reactions to my thoughts and emotions need to be different, not based on feelings only. After more than a year, I’m finding this job very hard to do.

“But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.” (John 6:27)

I find myself jealous of the ease at which other people handle life. I feel like I will never be able to cope as well as they do. And that’s not a reasonable assumption, considering I have lived most of my 60 years in good health, emotionally and physically. It’s also not reasonable, or good, to let your feelings run your life, especially when they aren’t in a healthy condition.

I think back to my former state of mind and realize that it really isn’t that different than now. I just had more trust in God, and confidence in myself back then. It seemed easy, requiring almost no effort, but of course everything feels that way when things are going well. I know there’s more to it. I have a physical component that’s contributing to my movement problems.  But what I’m talking about here is the choice we all must make every morning; to be joyful or negative. And again, I know how hard it is to make the choice of joy when you feel this way, believe me. It’s often impossible but never not worth trying. Remember that we’re in this together. We’re not alone.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3: 5-6)