Which way is up?

May 18, 2024

I added a new supplement to the mix, under the advice of my doctor. I always try not to get my hopes up, because I know there is just as much chance that it won’t make a difference, but I don’t succeed. I get disappointed when I don’t see a positive change, which tells me that I’m still trying to get rid of the depression and anxiety more than anything.  I first have to accept where I am and realize that it isn’t the end of the world. It’s just life and sometimes life is hard. And at times, when I try to ‘pray it away’ God answers in a way I might not want to hear. My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.   2 Corinthians 12:9

I feel low today, but I know that my feelings are not always accurate, or even helpful. And that what I believe to be true in my mind will affect how I feel in my body and emotions. This is a scary thought for me sometimes, when I’m feeling especially fearful or worried. You may be thinking that this kind of reasoning doesn’t make sense and you would be right but we all do it to some degree. And believe me, it doesn’t’ make sense to me either. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

I’m feeling low and jumpy at the same time today. I’m not sure what to make of it or what to do about it, if anything. It seems to me that I should feel better than I do by now, but what am I basing that on? I’m basing it on my desire to feel better which isn’t how things work, and God works in his own time, not on my timetable. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1Peter 5:6

I need to say how much I appreciate my husband’s tireless support these last five months. I couldn’t have gotten through it without him. I thank him for it, but he just keeps telling me that’s the job he signed up for almost 40 years ago, when we got married.

I recently realized that I’m not in a state that’s so far from the normal me. I’m just in an overly – active state of worry, which makes my condition seem much worse than it is. For me, worry and over-thinking, are a big part of normal life. This needs to change but how do I do that? I can tell you that it’s not by forcing myself to stop worrying and over-thinking. That will just make it stronger, but I also can’t just let it go on unchecked. That won’t end well either. First, I need to give it to God, 100 times a day if necessary because he can handle it for me.

It took me a few days to write this one.

Yesterday I was taken for a motorcycle ride as a passenger since I’m still a little too shaky. It was great to be on a bike again, I’ve missed it. Thank you my good friend for taking me out. It was a good day.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us for God’s love, neither death nor life, angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:38